How to ask for a warm introduction

A warm introduction is when someone who knows both of you connects you, and vouches for you in the process. It works because trust travels: the person you want to meet already trusts the introducer, so they give you some of that trust on credit. A cold message starts at zero.

Most people know this, and still don't ask. Asking feels like an imposition, and a clumsy ask can be one. The good news is that a well-made ask is easy to say yes to. Here is how to make one.

1. Choose the right introducer

The best introducer is not the most senior person you know. It is the person with the strongest relationship on both sides. Someone who worked closely with the other person last year beats someone who once sat next to them at a conference dinner.

Ask yourself three questions about each possible introducer:

• How well do they know the other person? Recent, regular contact is better than an old connection.
• How well do they know you? They are lending you their reputation. They need to have seen your work, or at least know you well enough to vouch for you.
• Is it a comfortable ask for them? A former colleague of the other person is a natural introducer. Their boss's boss is not.

If nobody you know is close to the person, look one step wider. Someone in a community you belong to may know them well, even if you only know that member a little. A strong tie on their side and a moderate tie on yours often beats the reverse.

2. Be specific about who and why

"Do you know any investors?" is the most common and least useful ask. It makes the introducer do all the work: think of names, guess what you need, and decide whether you are a fit. Most people will say they'll have a think, and then forget.

A good ask names the person and gives three things:

1. Who you want to meet, by name, or a very tight description ("the head of operations at a mid-sized logistics company in Melbourne").
2. Why them: what makes this person the right one, in a sentence.
3. Why now: what you are working on that makes the conversation worth their time today.

3. Make it easy: include a forwardable note

The single biggest thing you can do is write the note the introducer will forward. It should stand on its own, so the other person can read it without context and decide in ten seconds whether they want to meet. Keep it to four or five sentences.

Hi Alex,

I saw you worked with Jordan Lee at Northwind. I'm trying to meet people who've scaled a support team past 50, and Jordan's name keeps coming up.

Would you be comfortable asking if they'd be open to a 20-minute call? I've written a short note below you can forward, so it should only take a minute. And no pressure at all if it's not a good fit.

Thanks,
Sam

Sam Rivera runs customer operations at Brightline, a 40-person software company. They're about to double the support team and want to learn from someone who's done it. Sam would love 20 minutes with Jordan to ask how they structured the team and what they'd do differently. Happy to work around Jordan's schedule.

Notice what the forwardable note does not include: a pitch deck, a long biography, or a request for anything beyond a short conversation. The smaller and clearer the ask, the easier the yes. There are more versions in the forwardable intro email templates.

4. Let them check first

Ask your introducer to check with the other person before connecting you. This is called a double opt-in introduction, and it protects everyone. The other person gets to say no quietly. Your introducer doesn't spend goodwill on a meeting nobody wanted. And when the yes comes, the meeting starts warm.

Say explicitly that you're happy for them to check first. It takes the pressure off them, and shows you respect the other person's time.

5. Follow up and close the loop

When the introduction arrives, reply within a day. Thank the introducer and move them to BCC so their inbox isn't filled with scheduling. Propose two or three specific times, or send a booking link.

Thanks Alex, moving you to BCC.

Jordan, great to meet you, and thanks for making the time. Would Tuesday at 10am or Thursday at 2pm work for a 20-minute call? Happy to fit around you.

Sam

Afterwards, tell your introducer how it went. This is the step most people skip, and it's the one that decides whether they'll introduce you again. People who make introductions want to know they helped.

If the other person declines, or the introducer can't help, thank them anyway. A graceful no now makes the next ask easier.

Common mistakes

• Asking a weak tie for a big favour. If you haven't spoken to the introducer in two years, reconnect first. Asking for an introduction as your opening line is transactional. See how to reconnect with dormant contacts.
• Asking several people for the same introduction. If two introducers contact the same person, it looks like a campaign. Ask one at a time.
• Attaching a deck to the first ask. Offer it if they want it. Don't make the introducer forward it unprompted.
• Going quiet after the meeting. Close the loop with the introducer, even if nothing came of it.
• Only ever asking. The people who get introductions easily are the ones who make them. Offer your own help often.

Finding the path in the first place

The hardest part is often knowing who can introduce you at all. Your network is spread across your inbox, calendar, phone contacts, old workplaces and the communities you belong to, and nobody remembers who knows whom.