How to reconnect with dormant contacts
The short answer
Reach out with a specific, genuine reason, such as something that reminded you of them, their recent news or a shared memory, and ask nothing in the first message. Keep it short, make replying easy, and only mention what you're working on once you're talking again. Start with people you once knew well.
Everyone has people they used to know well and haven't spoken to in years: a manager from two jobs ago, a client you got on with, someone from a course. It's tempting to think those relationships have expired. The research suggests the opposite: they may be among the most useful relationships you have.
Why dormant ties are so valuable
In 1973 the sociologist Mark Granovetter published "The Strength of Weak Ties", arguing that acquaintances matter more than close friends for hearing about new opportunities. Close friends tend to know the same people and the same news as you. Acquaintances move in different circles, so they carry information you wouldn't otherwise hear.
A large 2022 study in the journal Science, run with experiments on a professional networking platform, found support for this: moderately weak ties were the most helpful for people changing jobs, more so than both the strongest and the weakest ties.
Dormant ties have a particular advantage. Research by Daniel Levin, Jorge Walter and Keith Murnighan on executives who reconnected with people they hadn't spoken to in years found those conversations were often more useful than ones with current contacts. The old relationship still carried trust, but the other person had spent years gathering new experience and new connections.
In short: the people you've lost touch with still trust you, and they know things and people you don't. Reconnecting costs one message.
Who to reconnect with first
- People you once knew well. A former close colleague you haven't spoken to in three years is a better start than someone you met once.
- People who've moved. Someone who changed industry, city or company has built a whole new network since you last spoke.
- People who helped you before. They've already shown they like helping you. Updating them on how things turned out is a natural opener.
- Connectors. Old contacts who now run communities, invest, advise or consult know many people. See how to map your network to find them.
Writing the first message
The first message has one job: restart the conversation. It should have a genuine reason, be short, and ask for nothing. The ask comes later, once you're talking again. A message that opens with a favour after years of silence reads as transactional, and people can tell.
Hi Morgan, I was in a meeting today where someone described a pricing problem exactly like the one we untangled at Northwind in 2021, and I thought of you. It's been far too long. How are things at Harbour? I'd love to hear what you're working on these days. Sam
Hi Riley, Just saw you've started at Medisafe. Congratulations, that sounds like a great fit. I still use the planning template you shared with me years ago. Would be great to catch up properly if you're up for a coffee once you've settled in. Alex
Hi Casey, You gave me some advice about going independent back in 2022, and I wanted to tell you it worked out. I've been consulting for three years now and just passed my twentieth client. Thank you again. I'd love to hear how things are going with you. Priya
When they reply
Have a real conversation. Ask about them first. If a call or coffee happens, it's natural to share what you're working on and, if it fits, what kind of help or introductions would be useful. Most people will offer before you ask. If they don't, it's fine to ask lightly: "Is there anyone you think I should talk to?"
If there's a specific introduction you'd like, follow the steps in how to ask for a warm introduction, and give them a forwardable note.
If they don't reply
Don't read much into it. Messages get buried. Send one light follow-up after two or three weeks. If there's still nothing, let it rest and try again in a few months with a new reason. There's no harm done.
Make it a habit
The best time to reconnect is before you need anything. Set aside 15 minutes a week to message two or three people you've lost touch with. Over a year, that's more than a hundred relationships warmed up, and the people you'll need later will already be in touch.
Frequently asked questions
Is it weird to message someone after years?
Almost never, if you have a genuine reason and don't open with a request. Most people are pleased to hear from someone they used to know well.
What is a dormant tie?
A relationship with someone you once knew well but haven't been in contact with for a long time, usually several years. Research suggests these relationships keep much of their trust and can be especially valuable to revive.
What are weak ties?
Acquaintances rather than close friends. Mark Granovetter's 1973 paper "The Strength of Weak Ties" argued that they are an important source of new information and opportunities because they connect you to different circles.
How soon can I ask for help after reconnecting?
Once you're genuinely back in conversation, usually after a reply or a catch-up. Asking in the very first message tends to feel transactional.